


The Sexual Secrets of Witches and Wizards

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Animagus Bestiality, Bestiality, Breeding Kink, Cum belly, Dom/sub, Double Penetration, Egg Laying, Eggpreg, F/M, Female Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Harems, Heterosexual Romance, Homosexual Romance, Incest, Irony, M/M, Magical Sex Toys, Male Masturbation, Male Pregnancy, Mildly Dubious Consent, Moresomes, Mpreg, Multi, Object Insertion, One-Shots, Oral Sex, Other, Porn With Plot, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnant Bestiality, Tentacle Sex, Threesomes, Underage Sex, Vaginal Sex, belly inflation, perverts, pregnant incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 08:38:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8660152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When you read too much (fan fiction) porn, this is what you got - A series of Ironic and sometimes funny porn One-Shots.Chapter One - Fear of Spiders – Aragog/Ron Weasley and Caught in the Act – James/Sirius/LilyChapter Two - Accidental Penetration – Trevor/Neville/Lavender and Secret Forms of Wand Makers – G. Ollivander/Seamus/HermioneChapter Three - An Incestuous Affair – Percy/Fred/George and Nanny knocked me up – Dobby/DracoChapter Four - Inexperienced – Bill W./Charlie W./Fleur and Shape Shifter – Bane (Centaur)/N. TonksChapter Five - Riding Sin – Teddy Lupin (16)/Kingsley and My own Secret Creature – Giant Squid/LunaChapter Six - Squeeze that Twinkie – Molly W./Arthur W. and A Herd of Goats – Aberfoth/Goats/AlbusChapter Seven - Feeling Lonely, Feeling Empty – Fluffy (Cerberus)/Hagrid and Dear Daddy – James/HarryChapter Eight - ?Don't Read if you're uncomfortable with these themes.





	

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Harry Potter series. It belongs to its creator and various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Note: I do not condone Rape (humans or Animals) or Statutory Rape (I will not Write anyone Under 16 having Sex, and if there is a Non-Consenting Individual it is the Adult). **_Please do not comment or read_** if you don't find the story either ironic, funny or arousing. I wanted to write a series of ironic fan fiction porn... just for kicks - after reading way too much myself. 

* * *

**Fear of Spiders** – Aragog/Ron Weasley (Bestiality, Male Pregnancy) 

Draco’s taunting his fear of spiders was almost too much. Fifteen-years-old Ronald Weasley had snuck away rubbing the tears from his eyes. He was on Hogwarts grounds and after the reconstruction, a gorgeous garden had replaced the war torn earth and bodies in memory of those who had fallen so many years ago. His parents talked about it sometimes, the war that had changed the world and was ultimately won by the dark side. Ron’s magic was inherited light and he got a hard time over it. Only the Muggle-born students whose magic were neutral spent any time with him, the School pariah. Ron sniffed before straightening his spine. He wouldn’t be scared any more, he decided purposively marching towards the forbidden forest. He charged in like the fool hardy Gryffindor he was. What lay at the other end of his quest would shock him – Aragog was in heat, for a male spider, the heat clouded his judgment and natural predatory instincts until he laid eggs within his chosen vessel. As Ron marched firmly towards the Acromantula nest, eyes watched his, judging him worthy of being their father’s vessel. After the fifth queen had died it was determined that Aragog was too magical powerful to lay his eggs within another Acromantula. This male wizard would fit the position well. After whispering to each other as Ron marched onwards, unaware of his examination, they made the decision to move into action.

Ronald let out a shrill scream as two giant spiders appeared before him blocking his path. He let out another girly scream as a massive spider behind him wrapped a silken mass of web around his arms and legs effectively binding. He dropped his wand. The spider foisted Ron onto his back and scuttled towards the nest. “Please don’t eat me, please don’t eat me, please don’t eat me,” Ron chanted as the Spider scuttled forward. A series of interconnect webs appeared before him and Ron nearly fainted at the sight. The largest spider he had ever laid eyes on appeared before them clicking his mouth pieces angrily, seemingly panting in distress. Sudden the spider spoke in English to the terrified wizard. “I am truly sorry about this young wizard,” the spider said in a faint voice, “my children thought this as the only way to cure me.”

“Cure you?” Ron asked hesitantly. The spider has spoken to his respectfully and seemingly without malice or carnivorous intent. Respect was rarely directed toward him by his human peers. As the other spider left him down, Ronald couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sick? Is there something I could do?”

“NO, I am not sick! Only if you wish to carry my children could you help me. I am sorry. I will have one of my children escort you, back to the castle.” Aragog said, almost whimpering in pain. While, Ron was not as acutely interested in Magical Animals as his older brother, Charlie, he was empathetic to their plight.

“Isn’t there another spider you could mate with?” Ron asked thoughtfully.

“Young Wizard, every mate I have taken as my Queen has died birthing my children. I am simply to magically powerful to take a mate and spread my seed.” Aragog said.

“And if you don’t mate?” Ron asked in a whisper.

“Then the heat consumes me and I slowly die.” Aragog replied sadly. The other spiders clicked their mouth pieces sadly in remorse at the inevitable. Ron clenched his hand into a fist as he made his decision.

“How long does the pregnancy last?” Ron asked softly.

“What?” Aragog asked startled.

“Just answer me, how long does it last?” Ron asked.

“You don’t understand, once the Queen has given birth and she survives the process, we mate for life. For a female the pregnancy lasts nine months, but for a male ten months. Are you so ready to give your life to me?”

“Very well, mate me and make me your Queen.” Ron demanded. It is fortunate that male wizards can carry children whether human or not, just like witches. How did they get Centaurs after all? Cassandra Trelawney had a few too many drinks in the barnyard and enjoyed it immensely.  

“Are you sure about this little wizard?” Aragog asked, “This is something that cannot be reversed.”

“I have made my decision Mr. Spider and a Gryffindor doesn’t go back on his words!” Ron said.

“My name is Aragog, Mr. Gryffindor.” Aragog said, reaching forward for Ron with his forelegs.

“And my name is Ronald Weasley.” Ron said. Aragog curled his legs around the tall and gangly boy, before lifting him and tying his ankles and wrists in the silken strands of the webbing. Aragog roared something to the other spiders and they quickly fled. Aragog quickly divested Ron of his clothing with his pincers, shredding them. The cool air brushed against Ron’s naked flesh, the silken web rubbing against his front and hardening nipples and the indecency of the whole act made lust pool in his lower belly. Ron gave a soft moan of pleasure as his cock stiffened slightly. A hairy leg brushed against Ron’s perfectly round ass and back. Ron shuddered slightly in anticipation.  The legs’ part his cheeks and slickness is spread around his winking hole. Slowly, agonizingly slow, and with carefully strokes the leg enters him spreading a slight numbing agent. In and out, in and out the leg prepares him be breached. Ron feels hot and sensitive to the touch. He is unconsciously rubbing his awakening cock against the silken cords of the spider web.

“Oh god,” Ron says as the leg slips in deeper, as if in his stomach, but it is slender. It’s nowhere as thick as he desires. Aragog stills, his panting pronounced.

“Am I hurting you?” Aragog asks, breathlessly.

“NO,” Ron protests, “I want it in me, I want you in me.” Ron says, “I want you to shove it in me.”

“Soon,” Aragog croons, “I just need a little more time.”

Ron glances over his shoulder and sees that the Spider’s prick in unsheathed and at full mast, it’s tips producing pearly drops of liquid. Ron moans, “Oh, god, I can’t wait until it is in me.” This excites Aragog and he returns to preparing the young wizard. A second leg is added and soon, Ron feels incredibly stretched, loose and ready for that big blunt prick inside of him He’s moaning loudly now. “Please, please, inside.” Ron begs.

“Are you ready?” Aragog asks, he’s panting. The heat is getting to him. He needs to cum in that deliciously sensitive bode below him. It’s incredible, the heat the boy puts off. It makes Aragog want to push in his cock and never remove it from that silken heat he can feel with his legs.

“If you ask me that one more time, I will start screaming.” Ron threatened. Aragog gave into his carnal pleasure. Aragog rears up and presents his prick, slowly pushing it into Ron. Tears of relief gather in Ron’s eyes. Then the spider’s cock brushes his prostrate and Ron nearly comes. He holds on though wanting to feel the seed of his spider, his Aragog, fill him first. Then Aragog is fully seated in Ron, his cock push slightly against the skin of Ron’s belly leaving a bump. Ron stares at it for a few moments. Soon it will expand, his belly will expand with spiders and it will become heavy. He doesn’t regret this as Aragog begins to pumping his cock in and out of him. Soon it feels like the only thing holding Ron up is the silken web. He’s rocking back on the big cock muttering obscenities and encouraging his mate, Aragog. Aragog strikes Ron’s prostrate again and again. Until Ron can barely hold in his orgasm. Finally, Aragog releases his hot cum into Ron. Ron screams and his orgasm explodes out of him. Ropey spurts of cum spill onto the web.

When Ron comes back from his haze, he looks down at his once flat belly and finds a slight pouch there. He wriggles a little and watches in both arousal and morbid interest as it jiggles slightly. His ass if stuffed full of leafs to hold in the seed. “Aragog,” he calls angrily. Aragog responds sleepily.

“Yes?” he answers his heat abating.

“Listen here mate of mine;” Ron says firmly, “You’re not taking a nap on me. No, you’re going to fill me with your seed so much it hurts and my belly is huge. When we’re done with that we’re going to sleep with your softening prick in me.” Ron demanded. He says watching Aragog over his shoulder, seeing the Spider’s interest grow in his inflating penis. “If we’re going to do this we’re going to do it right.” Ron finishes.

The spider is already up and leaning against Ron, caressing his belly, “I never understood the sexual habits of wizards and witches, but I am eager to learn.” Aragog says shoving his already fully erect cock into Ron. Ron lets out a whimper of slight pain, but mostly pleasure.

After three more rounds, Ron is satisfied. He drifts off to sleep, his belly fully rounded and Aragog, curled around him, his cock in him still. Ron drifts off to sleep as the first clutches of Aragog voices seem to become English to his ears. He dreams of giving birth to many clutches and sharing meals with his offspring at Weasley family reunions.

* * *

**Caught in the Act** – James/Sirius/Lily (Animagus Bestiality, Pregnancy and Male Pregnancy)

It was their filthy secret. It was their and their alone, not until the mutt had his way with them. Two can share a secret, but three can breed one. Lily would never admit it, but seeing James’s cock swell in his stag form made her panties wet with want. She loved how deliciously large and thick it was. It was idle curiosity at first, watching her husband’s penis swell, but then it happened James lost control. They had been in the throes of passion, James fucking her with his big and thick cock, but she still felt wanting. In near orgasmic bliss, Lily said something she normally would have kept to herself. “God James, your cock is so big, but fuck I wonder what your stag feels like.” She was shocked with herself and she looked horrified for one brief moment. James looked at her dumbfounded and she was about to apologize and flee the room, but her words hit him and before he could help himself, he changed. The stag’s erect cock filling her pussy, hot and unbearable large made her cum right then around the massive cock. Her muscles contracted around his cock and the stag came too, deep within her. She blacked out as the stag’s hot and sticky seed sloshed around inside of her womb.

When she came too, James still in his stag form was plowing into her sore and used, dripping pussy. Her pussy was swollen and abused, dripping thick and sticky seed. She was horribly sensitive and she moaned wantonly at the stag emptied his load into her again for gods knows how many times. The swollen cock did not deflate and the stag began again. Lily loved it. She looked down and paused. Her womb was so full of seed that her belly had swollen slightly, distending. She didn’t look a month pregnant, but she liked it and was determined to take in more.

By the early morning’s light, the insatiable stag had finally had enough. James shifted, collapsing on her lightly distended belly before rolling off her. He tried to pull out, but she wrapped her thighs around him. He lifted an eyebrow and watched as she dug around in their sex toy draw until she removed a vaginal plug and popped it in. Allowing his cock to slip past her legs. James and she shared a long and silent look, “Let’s do that again.” She finally said. James nodded slowly, his cock twitching before he winced.

“Yeah, I am completely into that, but I need to recover first.” He said.

Slowly she rolled to her feet, allowing the belly bump to hang, making it appear even larger. She slipped on a pair of panties and a bra. James stared at her curiously, “Aren’t you going to shower and well… empty yourself?” James asked softly, unsure if he wanted her to do that in all honesty.

“Mr. Potter, you filled one of my few fantasies, I suppose I can handle your belly kink and marking kink. So the answer is no, I am going to walk around our house reeking of your cum and carrying it inside of me, until my belly does swell with your child.” She said coyly.

James groaned, “I suppose, I should really not say this, but I found that fucking hot, so Mrs. Potter, I am amendable to letting Prongs fuck you often until your pussy and belly is satisfied.” He said. They were happy with this, and Lily found herself aroused by her filled belly as it swelled each time with the stag’s spunk. James pushed himself to pump more and more into her.

However, unbeknownst to either of them, they had been caught the very first night with Prong’s cock up Lily’s cunt and her moaning like a wanton slut. Sirius Black was very turned on and felt sick by his own perverse pleasure. He found himself daydreaming and often masturbating to images of it. However, it was this one fantasy he couldn’t get out of his head – Him fucking James as Padfoot and James fucking Lily in his human form, Lily was swollen with child or at least filled with Prong’s cum, in his daydreams. Sirius being the devious man he was and unable to resist his own pleasure he plotted and planed.

As Prongs fucked her, fucked her real good, one evening the Floo activated, but the couple were too engrossed in their own pleasure to recognize it for what it was. Her belly was already inflated by several inches and she felt an erotic satisfaction at her swollen belly. “James, Lily?” Sirius wondered in flipping on the light and froze, jaw hanging. “What the fuck?” He mumbled as his eyes glazed over slightly. James immediately transformed into his human form and Lily covered herself with a throw (blanket). James was stammering and Lily looked horrified. “Well, that was interesting,” Sirius finally responded, swallowing nervously. It was Lily who noticed his partially erect cock, just as he had planned. 

“Didn’t know you swung that way?” She said uncomfortable.

“I am bisexual, but you never asked.” Sirius said dumping himself on a chair and resting his head in his hands. James ran a hand through his hair and sighed frustrated.

“Are you attracted to Lily?” He asked uncomfortably.

“Yes, but I am also attracted to you James.” Sirius admitted not meeting his best friend’s eyes, “In fact, I used to dream of fucking you as Padfoot as you fucked Lily.” Both Potters stilled in surprise before Lily spoke up.

“I am amendable to that.” She said.

“What? NO.” James protested, “I can’t…”

“James, you wondered what it would be liked to be fucked by an animal. You were drunk and were muttering shit as you took me.” Lily said, “Now is your chance to try.” James looked between a leering Sirius and Lily who was flushed with arousal, horrified, “Fine. I can’t believe I am doing this.” He whispered. “Okay, Lily and Sirius, let’s take this to the bedroom, I don’t think I want to get carpet burns.” Sirius shifted into Padfoot in yipped in agreement. James’s eyes shifted to Padfoot’s engorged cock before quickly, almost guiltily, looking away.

Lily followed at a sedate pace. Soon, they reached the bedroom and a still bare Lily spread her long, snowy-white limbs invitingly to James. James’s cock began to swell with arousal, but he still appeared nervous. “James,” Lily scolded, “If you don’t put your fucking huge cock into me right now I’ll let Padfoot have the pleasure.” James reacted immediately. He leaned over her sealing her mouth with a desperate kiss as Padfoot jumped onto the bed. James stiffened, but Lily bit his lip softly and he refocused. As he began to caress her breasts and suckle on her neck, Padfoot began to lick James’s winking pink hole. James had to stop himself from jumping or recoiling. As Padfoot’s tongue began to penetrate him, James felt pleasure like never before. Lily was flushed with arousal, moaning and panting, watching as Padfoot lapped at her husband’s ass. She was sweat and begging him to fuck her when James finally slipped into her, just as Padfoot positioned his slender, hot cock at James’s winking hole.

Padfoot slid in striking James’s prostrate in the same instant. James nearly orgasms at the dual pleasure. They writhes together, hot and sensual, sweaty and overly sensitive. They rocked and thrust and took and moaned. Finally, James orgasms shooting his load into Lily. James’s anal walls clamped down on Padfoot’s cock and the dog, who hadn’t meant to shoot his seed and knot in James, does just that. The swollen knot in James’s passage strikes his prostrate inciting another erection in him. For hours they continued and once the sun began to rise, they finally broke apart. James’s hand slides down his chest before pausing in shock to find his own bulging belly.

Since then, every two weeks or so, Padfoot is invited to join Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Several months later it is just Padfoot and James as Lily is pregnant with her and James’s baby. She pleasures herself as she watches. It is to her amusement, some months later, as James complains through the floo to the restaurant about food poisoning, that she turns to Sirius and says, “Wonder when he will realize he is pregnant with your puppies.” She said. Sirius chortled, “What an unexpected side effect, but I wonder if either of you realize that our child will have very intelligent half-sibling dogs?” Sirius and Lily break down in snickers.

“I wonder how James will explain being pregnant with puppies.” Sirius said, “Did you make sure you weren't pregnant with Bambi?” He asked thoughtfully.

“Checked,” Lily all, but sung, “Very human baby.” She said.

So their baby boy grew up with puppies he called sister and brother.


End file.
